Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
