um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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