When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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