i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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