My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
