I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
