i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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