I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
