well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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