did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
