...so i touched it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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