I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
