you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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