I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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