I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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