so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize