i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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