take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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