Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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