end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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