Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
