he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
