Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
