question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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