were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
