Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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