There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
