I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.