I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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