Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
