Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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