Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
