At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
