woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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