I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
