i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
