My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
