You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
