put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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