I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
