Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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