Your tits are I can't wait for
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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