Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
