just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
