its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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