All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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