I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
