You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Randomize
