Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
