My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
