i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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