You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
