i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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