from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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