she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
