i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
