you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
