dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
