I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
