I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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