I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
