I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
