How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
