All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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