don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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