Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Never joke about your clitoris.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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