I skipped work to stalk him.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
