I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
