$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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