first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
