fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
