I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
