She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
